How To Enjoy A Stress-Free Vacation Learn to plan ahead and you can actually enjoy family vacation: 1) Develop three simple traditions that you keep every day, throughout the day, no matter where you are. This creates consistency and is settling. 2) Begin the day with exercise. The more vigorous, the better. Swimming is great because it wears (some) kids out and meets sensory needs. 3) Continually reset expectations and daily schedule to minimize surprises. 4) Make your promises concrete. Don't just say, "Oh, we'll do that later." Say yes or no. Provide specific time frames and directions. 5) Use the choices and promises approach we teach in our curriculum. It puts kids in charge of making their own choices, with very clear consequences. 6) Give kids very purposeful jobs and responsibilities--keep their brains engaged. Kids like to feel grown up and helpful, like they are an important part of the trip. 7) Give kids ownership. Have each of the kids plan a half-day at the theme park. 8) Plan downtime and keep to it. Don't push--you'll regret it! 9) Small snacks throughout the day, especially protein (trail mix, almonds, nuts), will regulate blood sugar levels and keep everyone more balanced. It saves money, too! 10) Say NO to sugar, food dyes, soda, juices and junk candy. When kids get hot enough, they'll drink water. Sweets mixed with some protein (i.e. chocolate with almonds, full fat ice cream) are much better than just pure sugar candy, especially when they can burn it off by swimming afterward. 11) Have your kids earn some spending money and establish a reasonable budget BEFORE your trip. Put each child's money in an envelope so it's concrete and finite. On the first day, when they want to blow $35 on a souvenir, show them they only have $15 left. Walking away shows self-control. No negotiating. 12) Plan for things to go wrong. They always do. It rains. The lines are too long. A ride is closed. Lead by example by sitting down and practicing your calming routine. 13) Take time for yourself. If you are worn out and overwhelmed, you'll snap and be impatient. Everything doesn't have to be about the kids...do some things YOU enjoy. 14) Praise. First thing in the morning, throughout the day, at bedtime. Praise more. 15) Plan for meltdowns NOW. I would talk about this as a family and be honest: "Kids, vacation is going to be a ton of fun. But each of us is going to get tired, hungry, disappointed and upset. SOOO, what do you think we could all do to help prevent some of that? And WHEN it does happen, what could we do as a family to help calm things down?" If our kids don't learn how to "keep their power" and control their emotions, they will end up feeling angry, upset and even jealous of "well-behaved" siblings. Because our kids often experience personal failure with emotions, they begin to internalize the failure. Do you know what else research tells us? 75% of families and kids have accepted a dangerous mindset, that "this is just the way I am." It's a form of learned helplessness, in which we become passive victims rather than standing up and saying, "No, this is NOT the way I am going to live."
Peer acceptance and relationships are critical for a child's social and emotional development. While parents and teachers are a traditional source of social support for children, kids develop a sense of themselves in relation to other kids. Many studies validate the tremendous influence other kids can have through their advice, actions and modeling. This is one reason that Casey (now 17) is providing ongoing encouragement this summer with the new Straight Talk for Kids curriculum and our virtual Camp. The message Casey is going to share this week is also applicable for adults. From Casey: Better Moods & Attitudes If you knew that you could control your mood and attitude at all times, would you want to know how? Well, you can control your mood and attitude and I'm going to give you a few examples of how I've applied this in real life situations. You know how some mornings you just wake up in kind of a bad mood? Maybe you didn't sleep well the night before because you couldn't stop thinking about random stuff or maybe you don't really have anything positive or fun to look forward to in that day. Well, that was ME and I used to hate those mornings so I'd take it out on my parents, friends and pets. What I didn't realize is that when you let those circumstances control your mood and attitude, you end up damaging relationships with people you love and that is completely avoidable if you make the conscious decision to control yourself. In the past few months I've made the decision that I am going to be happy and positive even through bad times. I told myself that I was going to have a positive outlook on life and just got into that mindset of being optimistic about stuff. Because who honestly wants to be around the person who's always complaining and being negative? I don't know about you, but I don't let other people control my mood so why would I let a circumstance control my mood? I wouldn't, but sometimes circumstances are hard to deal with so you first need to learn how to deal with disappointment. So what, you don't get the video game the second you want it or your Mom decides to fix something you don't like for dinner? You don't always get what you want and instead of reacting irrationally in the moment, I like to take a few minutes, go to my room, listen to some music, calm down and come up with a solution to the problem. Try it sometime, I guarantee if you control yourself and your attitude, you won't end up getting in trouble and losing things. Sometimes when I play guitar at clubs or I speak to large groups of people, I get down after I'm done. I think it's because I get a certain rush of excitement, energy and anxiety, then it's over all of a sudden, and it's like, "What do I do now?" I've started to give myself a time limit on feeling down... last time this happened, I said to myself "Okay, you have 24 hours to get over it and move on." One of the first steps for me in changing my attitude towards life was to stop meditating on negative thoughts and the negative things people have said to me. I choose to meditate on the positive thoughts and comments. So instead of thinking about the one person who said I'm awful at writing without giving any constructive criticism, I think about the compliments I received that day and that lifts my mood. If you do something wrong and get in trouble for it, think about it for a bit, examine what you did wrong, what you can do differently next time and move on. You can't constantly think of negative things you've done or the negative things in your life and expect to live a happy life. It's not easy to go through these changes and the hardest part for me has been the mental side of it. It's really hard to just say, "I'm not going to let people or circumstances affect my attitude or mood." But if you want to live an extraordinary life, it must be done. I'm lucky because I get to talk about staying calm 15-20 times each month. Plus I am working on our Summer Camp ideas so that gets the ideas inside me, and makes it easier. There are some really good books I'm reading that help, too, and I'm going to share those during Camp over the summer. Since I've started to control my emotions, mood and attitude, I've realized a huge difference in my life. I've become a much happier and secure person inside and I've seen the relationships in my life improve dramatically. It's a change that's worth every bit of work and time involved. Hope to meet you this summer through Camp. Your Friend, Casey Martin Research validates what we are experiencing--it's one thing to have an adult tell a child, "You need to calm down," but it's much more persuasive when they hear this message from another kid. We are seeing large numbers of KIDS who are 6, 9, 14, 17 leading their families into a calm place, taking charge of their own emotions, being responsible for their decisions.
understand who they are, that they have a purpose and bright future? Several emails this week prompted us to address this topic, including this one: "Kirk, my son has been emotionally beaten up all year with school. When I asked him to work on the Discovery Form for your Camp, he said, 'I'm not good at anything, why bother?' It breaks my heart to see him suffer. I started the list with five things he's great at and left it on his bed. He came downstairs later just beaming with a long list. We ended up doing this as a family, even my husband and I listed our strengths and how we can start using them. It's a great start!" Misty M., Michigan Unfortunately, our society--with its microwave mentality, short- sighted devotion to grades, and incessant focus on trying to "fix" everything that's supposedly "wrong" with our kids--rarely rewards or recognizes the unique advantages our kids possess. Our anxiety as parents compels us to spend 80% of our time fixing every weakness, while our kids' gifts and talents atrophy, along with their confidence. What qualities are necessary for success? The seeds of greatness are the very qualities inside our kids. Consider this short list. Our kids are: 1. Innovators who are energized by ideas. What parents and teachers haven't complained about a child consumed with ideas, ideas, ideas? While some are wired to manage companies, our kids develop the ideas that spawn the newest products and technologies. Who do you think developed the iPod, Wii and services that transform society? Here's one more kid who is learning how his brain is wired: "I burned the Kids CDs onto my kids' iPod. Jacob comes in one day and says proudly, 'Did you know someone with a brain like mine invented the iPod? I have a cool brain.' I try to tell him how great he is, but I'm just his Mom, what do I know?! Hearing it from you and Casey is hitting home." The Colvechios, Long Island 2. Dreamers who are passionate about pursuing a larger purpose. When we received the first report card indicating our child was daydreaming, wasn't our first instinct to "put an end to that"? Not so fast. The imagination can be a powerful tool for problem-solving and motivation. Einstein developed the theory of relativity through his "thought experiments." 3. Idealists with huge hearts who need meaning and ask the deepest questions. They will move mountains to help others (just not their parents, ha ha!). Get your child involved in a service project and watch them come alive. Who do you think has founded the most life-changing charities? 4. Creative thinkers and problem solvers. This is the number one skill needed in the workplace. Ever notice that our kids excel at solving puzzles, playing chess and even arguing? This is because they see patterns and thrive when solving problems. 5. Risk-takers unafraid to challenge the norm. How many times have you asked your child in frustration, "Why do you have to question everything I say? Why can't you do things the way they are supposed to be done?" Combined with perseverance (you call it obstinance!), this willingness to push the limits is responsible for breakthroughs in the arts, sciences and business world. Parents, be grateful for these qualities instead of fighting them. Identify their gifts, talents and passions. Find avenues for your child to express these talents in school, church, the community. Mentor younger kids, serve the needy, visit the elderly, work with rescued animals. Leave your kids notes praising them with specifics. Celebrate the fact that our kids are doers and leaders. Research tells us that kids who do not feel confident or have a hopeful vision of the future manifest greater defiance, depression and apathy. Trying to fix these outward manifestations without building internal confidence destroys relationships, separating parents from the kids they love. The good news, though, is that research proves that consistent affirmation and development of new habits leads to long-term change. |
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